I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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