Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
