Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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