She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
