I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
