I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
