areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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