a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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