Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
