well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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