worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
