Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
