Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
