im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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