I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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