if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
