i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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