idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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