Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
