Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I will be naked everywhere
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
