Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
