I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
