I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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