I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i barfeds in our rink
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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