We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Enjoy the penises
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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