yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
