there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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