Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
