you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
