I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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