I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
