Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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