I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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