So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
