I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
