He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
