Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My liver just broke up with me...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
