I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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