my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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