just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
