it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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