I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
