Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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