I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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