We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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