i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
