Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
