Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
