Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
