so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
