Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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