he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
