I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
