Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
