I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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