Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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