don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
