I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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