Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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