I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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